The Best of Tyrone Biggums
The background on Tyrone Biggums for those who don’t know:
Living…for the next hit. Tyrone usually scrapes by on the streets, but his friends Rob and Jenny let him stay at their place while he got his act together and (theoretically) studied for his real estate license. One weekend, Rob and Jenny decided to visit her mother’s, and left Tyrone in charge of the house. Tyrone sold the house and kept the $450,000, spending it all on a “crack party.” So it was back to the streets again.
Profession…former post office worker and real estate agent. Most jobs he’s tried to hold down have fallen through due to his addiction, but his most successful gig was as a spokesperson for Red Balls energy drink. Sometimes the endless pursuit of crack leaves him tired and depleted, but now cocaine comes in a delicious shape – Red Balls. It makes stealing car radios, lifting buses, and breaking out of prison that much easier.
Interests…visiting local schools to promote drug awareness. Although it is a violation of his parole to be around children, he’s granted permission under the guise of discouraging drug use. Nevertheless, he often unintentionally ends up encouraging drug use among the kids, mainly by breaking down their costs, effects, and how they’re obtained. He has been described as “the worst anti-drug speaker in the history of drugs.” Many of the kids didn’t know sniffing magic markers gets you high until Tyrone showed them.
Relationship Status…single, in love with one thing only: crack. It’s hard to invest in a long-term relationship when you’re the kind of person who carjacks his own family members. Most of Tyrone’s sexual encounters are under the context of acquiring crack.
Challenge…finding new ways to scrounge enough money for crack. He’s tried everything, even going on the show Fear Factor. Challenges like sitting on a bed of worms and eating elk penis are nothing to him. (It was not the first time he’d encountered a penis up close; it’s always a possibility in the crack game.) Fear of the disgusting and stomach-turning is not a factor for Tyrone. His only real fear is not getting that next crack rock.
Personality…wired. Tyrone is often in a state of withdrawal, scratching himself and behaving erratically while he hunts for his next high. Still, there is an element of redemption to him. He understands he is blessed and should by all accounts be dead. Yet he resents being judged: “Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.”
And now, the man of the hour…..
