5 Ways To Beat A Drug Test
I’ve had plenty of drug tests in my day, mostly all for either probation or parole, but I did have to do a piss test for a job one time.
At the time I was running wild and didn’t care much about consequences of a dirty urine so I didn’t really try to hide it from the parole man. I would either bring my brother’s piss, who didn’t do any drugs and I would pass, or I’d just piss hot and make up some bullshit story just so I could get out of the PO’s office back out to the free world.
In my day they didn’t have the fake piss you can buy in tobacco shops and head shops, you either had to get real clean piss from a drug-free human being or you could try the “bleach on your finger tip” technique where you’d dip your finger tips in bleach and pee on them as you pee’d in the cup. The bleach would contaminate the specimen and they would have to redo the test next time you went to check in.
Nowadays it seems more & more places (jobs & businesses mainly) want to see if their potential employees are on that shit or not. Strange now that marijuana is legal for the most part, but WTF do I know.
Why Drug Testing Matters – And How Some Employees Try to Beat It
Employers place high importance on drug testing because it promotes a safer, more efficient work environment. While businesses aim to increase workplace safety and productivity, some employees go to great lengths to cheat on their drug tests—putting themselves, their coworkers, and their companies at risk.
The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence estimates that 14.8 million Americans use illegal drugs, with about 70% of them being employed. That’s over 10 million workers who may be under the influence on the job. Marijuana, cocaine, and prescription medications are among the most commonly abused substances in the workplace.
Why Do Employers Require Drug Testing?
Protecting employees and minimizing liability—such as workers’ compensation claims—are key reasons. Drug use on the job can lead to:
Lower productivity
Reduced employee morale
Lost revenue
Damage to the company’s image
Of all the available drug screening methods, urine testing remains the most reliable and widely used. It detects substances like marijuana, cocaine, opiates, PCP, amphetamines, alcohol, MDMA, benzodiazepines, barbiturates, and more.
Five Common Ways Employees Cheat on Drug Tests
1. Diluting the Sample
Some individuals drink excessive water or add fluids directly into their urine sample to reduce drug concentration. Although it’s a popular method, most labs—like ours at Drug Test Hialeah—can detect dilution and will require a retest.
2. Submitting Someone Else’s Urine
Another method involves using someone else’s urine, synthetic urine, or even animal urine. Some even purchase powdered urine online. Keeping the sample warm is tricky, so people may hide it under the arm or in the groin area with the help of heating devices.
3. Adulterating the Sample
Adding chemicals like bleach, soap, salt, or eye drops to mask drug traces is another tactic. While modern drug tests catch many of these adulterants, some substances—like Visine or isopropanol—may still go undetected.
4. Delaying the Test
Some employees try to wait out the test, hoping the drugs will leave their system naturally. The success of this method depends on the type of drug, the individual’s metabolism, age, body composition, and overall health.
5. Detoxing Before the Test
Finally, some rely on detox methods to clean their system—like high-fiber diets, herbal teas, or diuretic drinks. Herbs like red clover and burdock are also commonly used, though results vary.
Keep in mind all tests are different nowadays. Back in the early 90’s when I was running around doing drugs the PO had the standard plastic cup that they upgraded to the plastic cup with the thermometer on the side.
I got caught once from the thermometer because it took so long for the PO to give me the cup to piss in that the clean pee I brought got cold from sitting for almost an hour.
Nowadays the PO has a cup that has 16 panels (tests for 16 different drugs) that, once you piss in that jawn, or whatever you dump in there, better be clean.
For an employee pre-screen they usually use something similar to the 16 panel cup the PO uses or they just might take a hair sample or saliva sample. You can use a special shampoo to get around the hair folicle but I don’t know about the saliva test.
Word on the street is the best shampoo for beating the drug test is Old Style Aloe Toxin Rid. A little bit pricey but fuck it, if it’s a good job with great pay it’s worth the money.
If you have to submit a blood sample your pretty much fucked with a pineapple…I don’t know of, nor have I every heard of, any way around a blood test.
For the standard pee-in-a-cup test you can buy the fake stuff at any tobacco or head shop. One good brand is the Urine Simulation Kit.
The reason I recommend this specific kit is because it contains real clean human urine and includes a heater to keep the piss nice & warm should the cup you squirt into has one of those nut-ass thermometers on the side, just like the one that got me caught back in the day.
As far as synthetic urine, which is also widely available, I’d stay away from that because they labs can tell if the piss is actually real or fake. Once they catch on to you dumping synthetic piss into their cup and they pay the lab to test it & it comes back as fake, best believe the parole man will be scoping your jawn out until every last drop lands in the cup.
Some of the dudes are weirdos and actually enjoy seeing other men’s private parts but I’m not even gonna get into that weirdo shit.
So the bottom line is…if you have any self control, which I definitely do not, stop smoking/eating/injecting/snorting long enough to beat the test then get right back to it. Otherwise buy some shampoo, some lab-grade piss or whatever it takes, and stick it to these bastards. Good luck and remember, when all else fails, blame the lab that did the testing for mixing up your test with someone else’s and/or deny it till the very end.
